Advertisement But all my thoughts about the upcoming NFL season and the Green Bay Packers have helped me understand the Valerie Plame-Rove fiasco.
First of all, readers should know that this entire event is simply contrived political fodder with the Democrats trying to get mileage out of a non-scandal. This would be different if Plame was working deep under cover in Tehran, Baghdad or Paris. But at the time of Robert Novak's 2003 column, Plame was sipping coffee in Langley, Va., hardly in danger of any "outing" being a threat.
So, back to football. Let's consider for this analysis that Democrats are actually Minnesota Viking fans. The Democrats hate the Republicans, the Green Bay Packers.
Next let's say that Rove is Brett Favre...
Favre has helped the Packers win many a game over the Vikings — just as Rove has helped the Republicans win elections over the Democrats. For the record, Favre holds a 12-12 regular season mark against the Vikings, but without him, the Packers would probably have been 3-21 in those games. Add in the fact the Packers have won the last three NFC North titles and this analogy works.
Viking fans have all sorts of Favre jokes and would like nothing better than to see him retire. The Democrats absolutely hate Rove. It's a seething, fuming, steam-coming-out-their-ears kind of hate. They would like to see nothing better than Rove gone, disgraced — whatever mud they can stick to him.
Remember in 1997 when KQRS-Minneapolis radio broadcaster Lee "Cabe" Mroszak perpetrated a radio hoax in which he purported to catch Favre cheating on his wife? That's the kind of hate we're talking about here...
Let's put this all in perspective. Rove didn't go on national television and ask the American people to listen to him, shake his finger in their faces, and then put CIA employee Plame in a life-or-limb situation by outing her. Rove has yet to ask what the definition of "is" is.
So, what are we left with? A bunch of seething, fuming steam-coming-out-of-their-ears Democrats with handfulls of mud taking aim at Rove.
Favre doesn't cheat at football. He simply gives the Packers a better chance of beating the Vikings. And Viking fans hate him for it. They're jealous of his three MVP's and Super Bowl ring. Let's face it, Viking fans are jealous of anybody's Super Bowl ring.
Similarly, Rove hasn't cheated anyone. He simply has given the Republicans a better chance of winning elections over the Democrats. And the Democrats can't stand the fact that the Republicans control Congress and have won the last two presidential elections. They're jealous and hate him for it.
Now that I've sufficiently insulted everyone — Democrats who are Packer fans, Republicans who are Viking fans, Favre for being compared to Rove, etc., etc., etc. — let's consider all of this for what it really is... nothing.
The real fun part of this is the grand jury investigation looks as if it will come to several innocuous conclusions including that Plame's status didn't require secrecy and Rove didn't "out" anybody.
Still, the whining crying babies will continue to whine and cry about something. Next week it will be the Republicans' turn. That's Washington, D.C.
Debbie Parr in our office said I should have compared Rove to Randy Moss, so what do I know anyway?
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Further signs of the impending apocalypse: The 1977 Kansas hit "Dust in the Wind" is being used to sell Subaru SUV's, which, in itself, is an oxymoron. Fire will rain from the sky any second...
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Stealing the show at the tractor pull at the Vernon County Fairgrounds on Saturday night was 10-year-old Erik Vesbach, who won the diesel stock tractor division for the second-year-in-a-row.
There was a good crowd for the pull, which probably saw more equipment failures this year than last. However, there was plenty of belching diesel smoke and screaming engines.
I bet beverage sales were helped by the hot weather.
You can e-mail Matt Johnson at matt.johnson@lee.net
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